I need a cigarette

So I've quit smoking cigarettes again, and I couldn't have chosen a more fucked up time to do it. I'm pretty much a wreck, and I can't help but feel helpless. I want to smoke, but I hate cigarettes with every fiber of my being. My emotions are running haywire, my inadequacies are becoming more of a reality, and I feel like my life doesn't matter at all. I'm a slacker, I don't do well at school, I don't have a job, and I have no girl. I'm starting to think that if I just left, maybe packed up all my shit and hit the road to nowhere, would it make two shits in the wind to anyone, would anyone even care that I was gone? Where would I go though? Gas is too expensive, and I doubt if I got somewhere that I'd be able to find a job. I'm stuck. I hate this feeling that I can't do anything to make myself feel better except slowly killing myself with alcohol, but I doubt that actually makes me feel any better. Fuck the world, it's never getting any better.

I need a cigarette

So I've quit smoking cigarettes again, and I couldn't have chosen a more fucked up time to do it. I'm pretty much a wreck, and I can't help but feel helpless. I want to smoke, but I hate cigarettes with every fiber of my being. My emotions are running haywire, my inadequacies are becoming more of a reality, and I feel like my life doesn't matter at all. I'm a slacker, I don't do well at school, I don't have a job, and I have no girl. I'm starting to think that if I just left, maybe packed up all my shit and hit the road to nowhere, would it make two shits in the wind to anyone, would anyone even care that I was gone? Where would I go though? Gas is too expensive, and I doubt if I got somewhere that I'd be able to find a job. I'm stuck. I hate this feeling that I can't do anything to make myself feel better except slowly killing myself with alcohol, but I doubt that actually makes me feel any better. Fuck the world, it's never getting any better.

Dinosours?

So... I was watching discovery channel after catching up on some math homework, and apparently we're closer to retro-engineering a dinosaur than ever before. I'm not sure it's a good idea, considering what Michael Crichton (author of Jurassic Park) has written in regards to such tom-foolery. I think a dino would be a cool thing to see, but hardly necessary to science to construct givin their likelyhood to carnivorous activities(the dinos, not the scientists)


BIRDS people! that's apparently where dinos have gone... Bird DNA holds the key to making dino babies... or so some dude from the discovery channel would have you think.

Fuck dinosaurs, cancer kills more people than dinosaurs ever have, and you know why? Dinosaurs and humans never coexisted, and that's probably a good thing, but who knows, they might taste like chicken ;)

Indecisive

Indecisive



I made my own day,
I lived my own way,
Conclusions I've made,
Decisions portrayed,

Grappling the past,
A full blown collapse,
When I stepped  back,
I finally relaxed,

The stories I've told,
The heartbreak I've seen,
The trouble unfolds,
The moments I'm weak,

But the truth be told,
I was not alone,
guided by ire,
In search of desire,

The one I did see,
Not a god to me,
 No all mighty I need,
My mind is my seed,

What could work for you,
May not be for me,
Although I get blue,
All I do is breathe,

I don't understand,
I push it away,
I can't take your hand,
Nowhere I can stay,

I look at a choice,
slowly weighing odds,
It's all a façade,
I don't have a voice,

I can't ever be happy,
With what I hold true,
I feel really snappy.
It's all nothing new.

For fleeting feelings,
Forged fiercely from fire,
Freedom's formed frailty.
Feels less like desire.

Bring back bygone beauty,
Be bright being bold,
Sound strong not snooty,
So suspiciously sold,

Repetitive reasoning,
Routed rightly routine,
Such sour seasoning,
Sounds sorely serene,

Moving out...

  St. Charles (Weldon Spring) has been my home for 19 years, 2 different house's, yet they are separated by 5 miles or so of highway.  I've been here too long....

  Well it's my time, I'll be leaving here sometime at the begining of August, more than likely the 1st of August. It's kind of exciting, kind of scary.

  Here's the deal... My parents love me, they've done nothing but help me out, but they want me out of the house. School seemed like a good outlet for me, so I'm moving down to Linn, MO about 1 hour and 45 mins. away. I'll be going to Linn State Technical College where I will be fixing cars, which is what I was doing here anyways.

  I'm moving into a 1 bedroom apt. and I'm afraid that I wont like living all by myself. I'm just not sure, but i'll probably warm up to it in the end... SO... to sum it all up in a few words, I'm leavin, but I'll probably be back A LOT.

 

HOHO SHOW .1

Deftones rocked St. Louis last night, it was intense, i'm so damn sore but it was the absolute shit though, insane, words dont describe, i was like 10 feet from the band, good shit....